For decades, Indian households have upheld certain gender roles—men return to a home-cooked meal while women cook after returning home from work

My wife came across a feed on her social media, “Men come back home to a cooked meal; women come home to cook a meal. It is not the women who need freedom; it is the men who should have the freedom.” The first half of the statement is something that we observe in almost all Indian households. It was the second part that I could not comprehend till I introspected. I was born in 1959, a few years after India gained independence. I was the firstborn in my generation.

During those days, and even now in many parts of the country, young couples are blessed by family and friends to have a male firstborn. My mother told me that my paternal aunt went to the terrace to announce my birth to the locality by banging a steel plate with a spoon, “A son is born.” I was a cherished and much-loved child, and then an adult.

I would not say that I was unduly pampered due to my gender, though my wife and daughters disagree. One thing was certain. I was not expected to enter the kitchen except to fetch a glass of water, and certainly not for cooking. My mother would insist on reheating the cooked food in case my wife had to go out for some work, till she could not do it any longer due to her medical condition.I was not alone in my generation to receive special treatment.

A friend would be served freshly made bread by his wife, however late he returned from the office, or however tired the lady was after a hectic day spent in the kitchen or running after the children. Almost all my friends from that era were pampered first by their mothers, aunts, sisters, and even females from the extended family, and then by their wives and daughters.Many of us, from relatively better social milieu, have raised our children to question the age-old customs.

More women are going out for work. Men are also raised to help with household chores. Young couples make efforts to take care of each other. There is no gender bias. A friend’s son-in-law loves cooking, especially preparing masala tea. It is almost a ritual for him to prepare tea whenever he and the daughter visit the parents. The maid and a few others were scandalized at this blatant display of deviation from the traditional, till they had tasted the special tea.

The change is slow, and only in certain sections of society. Women in many families are still expected to learn the art of looking after the household, husbands, and children, even after a tiring day at work. They are made to feel guilty for leaving their newborn child at home to resume work.

Men still do not enter the kitchen, and more often are not permitted to enter the kitchen, even if they have an interest or an inherent desire to help the wife. Men need the freedom to make their choices without being judged by people. They also need the freedom to break the shackles of gender biases. Certain gender-specific roles and responsibilities were assigned based on the requirements of the times. Many of these may no longer be relevant.

It is for us to adapt to changing times, and we can. We have reached where we are because of the ability of humans to change. Welsh writer and critic Stephen Bayley expresses it well, “The assumption must be that those who can see value only in tradition, or versions of it, deny man’s ability to adapt to changing circumstances.”

(The writer is an author, speaker, coach, arbitrator and strategy consultant and  conducts workshops on creative writing; views are personal)